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Everything was cool so long as I could make a girl melt like that. "Hey, pussy," I snapped at Brandon, "Up front." He hurried to switch seats. I put my hand on his chin and kiss him softly. "You know that number Peter gave you? You can call him 'bout Beth an' Lisa if-n they get too friendly, right?" Oh." He blushes. "I'm sorry."I let go of him and headed to his place. "Why, they started it, right?" Yes." He said softly. "But I suggested it."I stared at him then remembered that I was driving. "I thought you didn't like girls." I've never actually tried girls." He looked away from me and twisted as stray hair. "You were my first." Oh." Then I thought about it. "Wait. After the Holiday Dance? That was your first time?" He nodded shyly. "First time with uh guy or first time ever?" Ever." Oh fuck!" I almost swerved the car. "Why didn't you tell me?" Why, would you have stopped?" No." Beth snorted from the back seat."Yes." I countered."But I didn't want you to stop. That night was," he. In my fantasy I needed him to hold me, to love me and cherishme. When he accidentally found out he teased me and told the other kidsin the neighborhood. No one let me ?defend? myself. The only good partis that it was soon ?forgotten.? But I ?marked? although I didn?t knowit at the time.With this fear came the anger and my distancing myself from others. Theanger got me into trouble a few times. I am ashamed of what I havedone. Over time, for the most part, I have learned to dissipate thatanger and start to love. Since I?ve been on HRT that anger has beenreduced dramatically. Even now in my anger I try to admonish instead oflashing out either physically or verbally.The result of my fear and anger was me being a lonely boy. My parentssaw that and thought after consulting with others that seeing apsychiatrist might help. I couldn?t tell this grown up anything so in asense I wasted their money. Now I could tell those shrinks how I feel,but as a kid I couldn?t. I was still afraid.Part of.
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