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Suffering was what defined Eloisa; it was what made her who she was. She expected to suffer, and actually was somewhat frightened of having to live a life in which the only suffering she endured would be the torment of her own memories and her guilt. Maybe she could someday break free from all that, maybe she couldn't.The searing pain coming from Eloisa's bottom continued to torment her. This had been by far the most lenient punishment she had received, but for some reason today she felt that day's welts more than she had felt any of the other switchings. She walked over to her Spokesman's full-length mirror and sadly studied the red lines marking her pale skin. For a long time she stared blankly at the carpeting at the foot of her Spokesman's desk, as the anguish inside her soul rose to the surface. Eloisa could feel it, rising from her gut to her chest, from her chest to her throat, that unbelievable torment embedded in her soul.I'm damaged, and I don't see how I can be fixed.. When it opened, what really surprised me was the fact that she wasn'tsurprised."Oh my goodness, dear, don't you look just lovely!" she exclaimed asshe escorted me into the foyer."Let me get a look at you! My oh my hasmy little boy changed! I must say I approve!"As I looked at her quizzically she called up the stairs, "Come downdear, Ruby's home. Wait till you see how lovely she looks!"I heard someone move around on the second floor and as they descendedthe stairs I immediately realized that I was in for an even biggersurprise than I ever could have envisioned.PART 1-RUBYOver the next three weeks, after my coming out as Ruby, life outside ofthe office became an incredible, new experience for me. I had neverfelt so alive in my life. I couldn't believe how happy I was. I'd beenfreed of the "Burden of Ben," as Veronica had dubbed it and it wasnothing short of wonderful.I love everything about being a woman. The clothes, the make-up, thehair, the shoes, oh my god, I could go on forever!.
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