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I'd really like to be able to see you once in a while."I miss our friendship." Me too, Alice," I said. "But I'm not much company right now; too many bad things going around in my head. Let's see what Harlan says. One way or another the polygraph results should help us move on."Wherever that leads us."On Thursday I received a call from Jack Harlan that he was putting the results of the testing in the mail that morning and I should probably have it in a day or so. He didn't tell me the results, just that I should be pleased.On Saturday I got Harlan's envelope and sat down at the kitchen table to open it. I had mixed feelings. The envelope contained summary reports of the tests. According to Harlan, they were in agreement regarding the episode with the handcuffs, in that no sex had occurred. Additionally, my question whether they had ever had any sex also had negative results. That's all that was in the envelope.But Terry had told me that the result of a polygraph test should include a. It's always going to feel like this. Every time I do this, I will feel them putting themselves inside my body. Leaving their after-taste in my mouth, a constant reminder of being violated."Suddenly, I am back home. Staring at the wash hand basin. Looking at the drool of white, sharp-tasting, minty toothpaste from my mouth. This taste tells me I am home. The taste tells me I am not where I should be. Each time I go through the routine, it reminds me I am still following orders. Still the obedient... (Jennifer searches for the right word. She was going to say 'slave, ' but that is too precise. She has, after all, not been given permission to say who she is and exactly what she is now) ... person they made me. I may be Jennifer again, but will I ever escape from who I became, even in these innocent, intimate moments?" Well done!" What?" I said 'well done, ' for reliving that memory for me." Oh." How do you feel now?" About brushing?" Well, all right, start with that. About brushing?" I.
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