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.. But we can’t change the past anyway, so in the end that’s a waste of time to even think about, let alone talk about...”“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”“So I don’t know ... Hopefully that answers your question, at least a little bit.”I took a moment to compose myself. “Yeah ... That was helpful.”“I’m sorry you’re going through this with Heather. But it is different than what happened with Chris.”Because you don’t realize that Lara is involved... “When he died,” she continued, “we obviously knew he was never coming back. It was an instant thing, a complete and permanent end to our old lives. But you’re not in that position. Heather can still come back. You and her both still have something to hold on to.”“Sometimes I wonder if that’s better or worse, not knowing if it’s over.”My mom shifted in the sand. “Of course it’s better, Matt! Don’t you ever say that! If you remember nothing else from this conversation, then at least take that with you.” She sighed heavily and then whispered,. I knew this exercise was meant to cause us to fail, and to see how we faced this failure.I was surprised when I wanted to give up. My shoulders were on fire. This felt like 60-minutes-of-hell and, just like that, I relaxed. I closed my eyes, and focused on getting my breathing under control. I took deep steady breaths, and centered myself. I had learned this from Cassidy doing Tai Chi. When I felt my control return, I reached down and lifted the dumbbells to my side. I felt my shoulders begin to quiver, but I didn't give up. My right shoulder felt like it was cramping, and the pain was excruciating. But I didn't give up. I focused on my breathing, and tried to ignore the pain. When time was called I would have done a fist pump if I could have raised my hand over my shoulder. I looked over to Coach Trent, and he nodded to me. Everything counts.When we finished we were in fourth place. Flee convinced me that lying in the grass was okay. I wasn't able to contradict him. I just looked up.
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