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He could get his jollies, I could prove to myself that I still had some control of my own life, even after years of not daring to sneeze without prior permission, and I would be on my way home in half an hour. When we reached his house, he pulled into the driveway while I parked in the street, then followed him into the house. I kicked off my shoes once we got inside, and as he turned to lock the door, I turned around and debated on what to do one last time as my trembling fingers found the front of my jeans. This is my last chance to change my mind, I thought to myself. If I do this, it will change everything. Do I really want to do this or not? My head swirled with guilt and frustration, but something had to give. I made up my mind and quickly pulled my jeans and my panties down around my ankles before I had a chance to chance to talk myself out of it again. I stripped off my pants and folded them up before putting them on the kitchen table and turned around to find him standing. " It was a surprise at first, a shock, but it was...nice." Just 'nice'?" said Gerda, raising an eyebrow."All right, it was really, *really* nice," I said, smiling shyly sincethat was what she was expecting. "It made my heart race."That last bit was true, but not for the reasons Gerda would assume. Icould feel myself blushing. I'd let a man kiss me, had returned his kisseven, and was now claiming I enjoyed it. Gerda, of course, took myblushes as evidence of something other than the embarrassment they were. "You obviously like strong, commanding, manly types - alpha males - sobeing kissed by Helmut was bound to set your heart racing. Remember, thefirst boy you were attracted to was the captain of your school footballteam. Which makes perfect sense when you think about it. Theirmasculinity complements your femininity, so it's only natural for you tobe excited by them."None of this was true for me, but it was true for the character I wasplaying. I silently cursed the chain of.
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