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I lost sight of everything but the gorgeous man I was with.Finally he stepped back into my chair. We started doing a seesaw, with him sitting down and my legs still tied around his torso. It was easier to make out in that position, and I don’t think either of us could resist. “I love you baby,” he said.I could practically feel my heart doing cartwheels inside me. “Say that again.”“Now don’t get sappy on me—”“I want to hear it.”“Okay fine,” he said. “I said I fucking love you... as if you didn’t know it before.”I felt a whole new kind of pleasure rippling through my body. It wasn’t a physical sensation—at least not really—but it felt better than anything I could’ve imagined. “I love you more,” I whispered.“I told you not to get sappy,” he said. “Besides, you know you’re not telling the truth. At least about that last part.”“What makes you so sure?”Chad didn’t answer. He just sped up his thrusts, which made me bounce up and down on his lap. He almost hit my prostate. I spent a year in therapy, which was really helpful, but it was in finally telling friends and family that I got my mental strength back. I wanted to do it alone, but letting other people help me actually made me stronger. Eventually I met a friend who also had things in his past he wasn’t proud of, but he showed me how to put it to good use. That friend not only has freedom from worrying what people think of him, he has also used his awful experience to help others. He told me he can’t change what happened in the past, but he does have the power to put the experience to good use. At first I didn’t believe that telling people I was raped would be helpful to anyone. But now I’m learning that it wasn’t the crime that was important – it’s what I’ve done since then that matters. I’m grateful that I had running to fall back on while I processed this. Running helps me stay strong physically and mentally, and it took a while, but I’m now even stronger than I was before I was raped. That.
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