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"My Darling, I am so sorry for the hurt I have caused you", she begins. "A hundred times I have written you letters, a thousand times I picked up a telephone to call, but could never seem to "... Anna left the sentence unfinished as she moved her hands from Jen's hair down to her neck and shoulders, kneeding the soft skin she has longed for. As if of one mind, Jennifer began to regain some of her composure, only to to get lost in the feeling of Anna's strong yet ever so light caresses on her body. "But you left with no warning, No goodbye, no nothing. What did I do "? "Did I say something to drive you away "? she asked. "You did nothing to make me leave. We were getting a bit careless and I feared that someone would find out our our secrets, our times together, and with the others ", Anna explained. "I knew if I tried to talk to you, you would ask me to stay, and I was affraid I would, and jeopardize everything".Unconsciously, Jennifer had turned herself onto her stomach, becoming. I wanted to feel what sex was like as a woman. I wondered what it would be like to have breasts, to have them fondled, to feel oral sex, and to perform it myself. When I discovered internet porn during college my fantasy playground exploded into a vast universe of possibilities. I began shaving off my body hair like the actors in the porn movies. When my sexual feelings were strong I would wear lingerie under my clothes, wear it when I pleasured myself in my dorm room. I would stay on campus over the weekends when the college emptied out so I could play dress up for days at a time without having to worry about interruptions. I felt guilty. I wanted to please my parents. I guess it’s just a biological side effect some of us inherit from childhood. I was so hung up on making them proud. It’s why I went to such great lengths to keep this part of my life hidden. I was afraid they would think I was gay, and the God in our church hated gays. There were times I felt so much self-loathing.
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