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She turns round to face him and is almost startled by how close he has moved towards her. She looks into his eyes and sees his sadness, two deep blue pools of sorrow and anguish. He looks tired, worn down. She wonders what he sees in her eyes. Are they still beautiful? Or do they look tired too….puffy from too much crying? Can he tell just by looking into them how fast her heart is beating now…..can he sense her eager anticipation? He cups her face in his hands and traces the outlines of her features slowly with his fingers…..fingers so gentle. With a look of sheer admiration and love on his face he mouths the words ‘I’ve missed you’. He gives her a gentle, yet loving smile and moves his face towards hers and places soft velvet kisses on her waiting lips. Long lost feelings stir up inside her, like electrical impulses running through her veins. Goosebumps tingle up and down her spine……… Feelings that weren’t lost after all, but had just lay dormant waiting for the opportunity. But at the moment as I rejected the idea of calling Jill to discuss my feelings, I started to realize that the whole emotional side of this thing was maybe a bigger turn-on. But at the same time carried a heavy emotional tariff, far beyond anything purely physical.The word that buzzed into my head and wouldn’t stop flashing was ‘masochist’. Was this me? Not a pleasant thought to contemplate in some ways. No-one ever likes to think of themselves as being a masochist, associated as it is with all kinds of ideas of self-harm and low self-esteem. But a nagging voice at the back of my head forced me to confront the possibility.How else could I explain my enjoyment of what I’d watched? Enjoyment beyond just the physical. An enjoyment rendered both more intense and more painful by the closeness I’d seen earlier when Jill was unaware I’d been watching.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tuesday was an okayish day for me. During the day I knew that Chris and Jill were together. But I.
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