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And I still want to have parties and fun and sex, but I don't want to be running anymore. Or maybe it's better to say that I don't need to run anymore. I ran out of fear, Moira. I ran because I'd made the life I had with Lisa and Paul into the perfect domestic scene, at least in my head. And if I never again was settled down as a husband with a perfect wife and child and home, then it could never be taken away again, right?"But over the last few months, I've slowly come to realize that running away couldn't protect me — that my ship and my fun and my 'girls' — and most, most especially you, Moira, were as important to me as Lisa and Paul ever had been. As Joanne left, and then Kate left, it hurt more than I allowed myself to show. And yes, Moira, if I'd tried to have this conversation with you a couple of weeks ago, you'd have been right in thinking that I was just afraid to lose you too."It's funny how things go, isn't it. Moira — it was Saralinda who made me realize a lot of. ” It helped me mute any reactions which might make my life difficult. More difficult.The day continued after the assemble with assigned duties until Meal time came at mid-day. After we ate our prescribed meals and you can bet there was no sharing even if it wasn’t forbidden, we put our recyclables in the bin and remained for population responsibilities class to prepare us for our release to population.You know, the proper attire to wear while bicycling, mandatory safety equipment checklist, same for jogging. How to properly shuffle to avoid an enforcement against you for disorderly walking and the like. In spite of surviving the Creche so far, I worried about my ability to endure population as a sane let alone contented person. And I was fairly content, behind my passive dull facade of acceptance.I’m invisible, I’m nothing, I’m not worth it. Somehow I had a feeling new chum in population were quite visible and probably choice bait. Just as I found holes in surveillance enough to let.
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