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”As a good friend of Pearl Molnar Beth was always the more sophisticated of the two. It had been her idea to get the three couples together into a swinging relationship and use Oliver’s expertise in photography to memorialize their escapades. Because she spent a lot of time with Pearl, she got to know Pearl’s daughter-in-law Mary well. One day while talking to the young woman she detected a judgmental aspect in Mary’s attitude toward her and said, “I’ve been getting the idea, Mary, that you might have some kind of problem with me.”“Oh no,” Mary said trying to work through her knowledge of the pictures, “I don’t know why you would say that Beth.”“I know you well enough to recognize something different in the way you are talking with me, Mary. You’re being defensive about something.”Feeling as if she was cornered Mary said, “It’s nothing, Beth. Everything’s just been such a blur since Sig died. I’m just sad and confused.”“It’s something else,” “Beth said, “and I would like to clear the. The line between pain and happiness is all too blurred, emotions are an addiction, and whether theyre pleasurable isnt of my concern. A sense of feeling reminds me Im alive, though all the repetitive days continue and madness develops within your mind, to a point where your entire personality is bounded inside you. Days on end, shadows consume you and you become more distant to reality, more promises are needed to push you to continue this road of self-loathing. Rational fear is the promises become unfitting, and theres no positive perspective in your life, all thats left is a suffocating sense of failure, itll always haunt you. The dreams are becoming memories of what Ive left behind, all those mistakes which Ill never run away from, which wont leave me alone. Ive tried my hardest to make a difference, to be accepted and noticed, but it doesnt matter how hard you try, the sands of time continue to fall, and days continue on end. Ive always believed it would be with my eyes red.
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