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But at least there was no Chris there. We slept four to a room, but it was a room and not a cell. We were not locked in, but we were out in the Mojave Desert with nothing else for miles around. We were even told we could walk around the grounds. But it was getting towards summer, so too hot for that until the sun had gone down.Classes in the morning, meetings in the afternoon, classes at night. I was actually proud when after a month I got a poker chip that said “30 days” on it. And everybody congratulated me, saying I had made it over the hump. And indeed, I was no longer feeling like I was wanting to crawl out of my skin.I still remember the end of the next month. A girl named Kelly had joined us, and I had worked with her before. We soon got to talking, and she had also been like me, from the B to C list of actresses that started on film, but were now relegated to the videotape market. She also did work on the side and was caught giving a blowjob to a john in a parking lot, with. I was able to get about 4 hours of sleep over night.I feel rested for some strange reason.Perhaps it is melancholy.Perhaps it is nerves.I do know the darkness is there. I can see it. I can feel it. But it does not scare me. I may not be out of the woods but I have a bright torch and a spare (backup!) at the ready.I always do the backup thing. In all facets of my life. You name it and I have a backup or spare in place.I may have also forgotten to mention that along with my therapist, I did tell my sister all about my revalations. I even told her it would be easier for me to write this all down and then share it with her on here.I assured her I would not be using any of OUR names. I have no idea if anyone I actually know would find themselves reading any of my words.I really do not care, other than the fact that I don't want my kids or their friends to be able to look at this and say, "Oh, Wow, that sounds like Mr..."!!Well, perhaps if one of her friends suddenly came by and said, "Hi,.
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