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Unbelievable twist in your vacation.On it was a menu of scene locations: living room, bedroom, kitchen, pool, beach, and more. A note at the bottom of the screen said: IF PARTNERS DO NOT SELECT SAME LOCATION, PLEASE USE TOUCH SCREEN TO SELECT A MUTUAL LOCATION.Another menu appeared to be a "score card" for each family member; currently, each of the Robinsons had a big, fat zero by their name."Keep in mind," the voice went on, its tone seeming helpful, not threatening, "that while you yourself are not required to participate in any scenes, the family as a whole must score 100 points before it may continue on with the, uh ... normal vacationing fun that I am certain you were counting on." A small, short chuckle slipped out of the speaker before the voice added, "That fine print ... it'll get you every time, won't it?" You noticed that at the bottom of the second flat screen there were a set of guidelines for scoring. They seemed to indicate that the more erotic, more creative, more. . I’ll go to yoga or something.’ ‘Yeah, go to yoga. And wear those tight little pants you got at LuLuLemon that show off your cock. You’ll get attention.’
‘From gay guys. I’ll get attention from gay guys,’ I said.
‘Hey, attention is attention and right now you just need to be reminded that you actually have a penis and that that bitch didn’t put it in her purse when she broke your heart and crushed the pieces with those stupid fucking boots of hers.’
So anyway I was at yoga when it happened. If you’re a straight man who’s ever been to a hot yoga class you know it’s a sea of astonishing asses in skin-tight pants all pointed in the air and swaying in the breeze like strangely fuckable trees. In the past I’d always tried not to stare. Not to lust. Not to fantasize. Partly because I was a married man and married men weren’t supposed to do that. And partly because . . . well, because I didn’t like the thoughts that came welling up when I did. But this time I did stare. And I did.
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