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But as I say, even at that moment I knew I could simply walk away from everything and disappear with Winston that much sooner. But ‘everything’ was what I had worked for all my life. And I was furious with Winston for putting me in this position, however unwittingly. And even at that moment I knew, although I did not fully admit it to myself until a long time later, that some tiny perverse sliver of myself was aroused, or at least stimulated, sensitized, by the prospect of being used helplessly by this man. His very grotesqueness. To be touched by such a creature. I have wondered if I had not already fallen under his control. I had come to his room. I had sat beside him. I had made and brought the drinks. But those were different. Removing my shoes was so innocent. And yet it wasn’t. It was letting him tell me to undress. It was more than crossing a line, it was passing over a threshold to a whole new dimension in which I was truly helpless, where things would happen to me, where I. Just look for a bouncing car top. I found a seat at the end of the bar next to the back door. Shortly after I spotted the Asian woman coming in the front door. She was dressed very hot, high heels and a tight dress. It didn't take her long, She went up to the bar and looked like she was trying to order a drink through the crowd. As she leaned forward she blatantly rubbed her tits on the guy standing next to her. Some quick conversation ensued and big smiles, then she took him by the hand and out the back door they went right by me. About twenty minutes later she was back. She did the same thing to another man. Rubbed her tits on him & out the back they went. Thirty minutes later she walked back in, went into the bathroom, fixed herself up & came out and headed for the bar. She went up like she was going to order a drink, and did it again! This time I casually followed, though they didn't know it. They went to his car and got in. I gave them about five minutes then quietly walked by.
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