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But can’t. The frustration. It already feels weak and submissive, all painted like a girl, dressed in its stockings and girlie things... but locking away its misallocated make genitalia amplifies its sense of submission and weakness many times. It feels impotent, helpless, pathetic. It desperately wants to relieve itself. But not only dies that make a mess of its pretty panties and stockings, it purges all of its girlie transvestite urges for a brief moment of ecstasy. When it has finished it sees itself not as the sexy girlie it has conjured for itself, but as a bizarre young male in stockings and women’s underwear. Without that arousal it derives from its effeminacy and the girlie sensations of its pretty girlie clothes, it feels ashamed and filled with self-loathing. For, at the most, a few short hours it is able to delude itself, again, that it is a regular boy. But it’s not. The urge to dress up in stockings, pretty lingerie, high heels, skirts and to paint its face and nails. I watched as they blew cigar smoke and poured rum around Liz and even sacrificed a chicken to their gods. Santeria is like Catholic Saints Name given to African gods and really silly like voodoo.On Lizís final trip to the Santeria place of prayers the priestess had a revelation and mom was worried and worried sick. The Santarosííí returned all momís money and that struck me as weird! We left and there was a big commotion going on and the next week we returned and they held a Santaro Conference and had other priestess and ministers discuss the gods and the message.We got home about 4PM and mom held a family meeting. Sis looked frightened and had sat with mom in on the Santaro meeting. Something was up and I figured it was bad as mom had been shaking and crying at the Santaro Temple. Mom frightened she was so serious as I looked at her and sis was ash colored. Mom asked me would you do anything to help your sister and I replied sure mom.Mom looked at.
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