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She’s not huge, not obese, but the description does fit ... Big boobs, a rounded out body, big bum and thighs all wrapped up in a blue nurse’s uniform.Her friendly, once pretty, round face is framed by long blonde hair which usually hangs free but is tied back at the moment because she’s still on duty.There’s a near permanent smile on her face – and everything she says seems to be right off the top of her head – and delivered in a strong West Country accent, sounding like she belongs on a farm rather than in a hospital.“I’m Janet McCreery. I’m 40 years old, and I’m a midwife from Exeter.”Her establishing footage is shot in and around the hospital, her talking to new mothers, coaching a woman who’s just gone into labour, having a cup of tea with the other midwives and nurses. Laughing with everyone.“I’m not shy about it. It’s not a secret or anything. I’ve always found dogs to be very sexual things. My husband knows about it. He doesn’t care about it because he thinks I’m mad.”All of. I’ve been a good wife to you for the last 20 years & I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.Your EX-Wife.Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!REPLY:Dear Ex-wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that.
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‘Maybe you and your brother will be able to help me. English in exchange for German: that seems fair.’ Frau Kurtz drew in her breath sharply. ‘I hope that Karl and Ulrika will be far too busy learning to have any time for teaching,’ she said heavily. That was the end of that conversation. We finished the meal in silence and then the kids were sent to their rooms to do homework. As they trailed out of the dining room Frau Kurtz turned to me. ‘Herr Lancer, you must be firm with them, with the girl especially. Their father is insistent that they pass their English exams with distinction.’ ‘Frau Kurtz,’ I said, ‘so far your methods appear to have failed quite spectacularly. I’ll choose the approach that I feel suits my students best and we’ll see what happens.’ I pushed my chair back and stood up. ‘Good night, Frau Kurtz.’ * * * * * * * * * * The next evening at five o’clock I was waiting in the ‘classroom’. There was a tap on the door and Karl and Ulrika shuffled in, followed by Frau.

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