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“Holy Crap, what a night,” he howls.“What happened?” they all ask."How long was I gone?” he bellows. “Check the sleighs chronometer. A normal Christmas I should have only had to stop time for 13 to 14 days!”Scurrying over to the sleigh, one of the elves examines it's time-shifting chronometer. “Oh My Word! It says you've been gone for 103 days!”Straightening himself fully upright, Santa looks at elves. “It seems someone programmed in a few new deliveries into my system,” he growls. “I was making stops for a number of Naughty Little Girls!"A collective gasp comes from the elves.Santa looks over the gathering crowd of elves, “Who was responsible for programming the delivery system this year?”The elves all look at one another and then slowly begin to separate until just one elf is standing in front of Santa.“You did this!” he said pointing at the lone elf.Looking down at the snow, “Yes sir, but. . . it was with the High Elfin Council approval.”“Tell me more.”Looking for the right words. " That made me stop in my tracks."Are you?" No silly, simple parlor trick. This is my high school ring, see." And she spun her ring so the little fake ruby gem and the school emblem could be seen."And that works?" Fooled you. Besides, I tell them that my husband is this big honking ex-football player and that is enough to keep them at bay." Football player? Me?" I dreaded asking."Yeap." She said with a toothy grin"Uhmm, that is sort of what I wanted to talk to you about."She grabbed my bicep and squealed again, "Do you want to marry me?!" No, but my wife seems to think that I am your father. Do you know anything about that?" Oh." Was her reply, her mood immediately subdued. "Mom said that Ann would keep that quiet." Is your mother Leticia Gladfelter of West Virginia?"Smiling, very proud of her mother, "That's her." And I am your father?" You aren't the man whom I grew up calling daddy, but yeah, I come from your loins." Why didn't your mother ever contact me and tell me about you?.
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