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By the time that we got married, three months later, he had taught me to enjoy all sorts of sex, vaginal, fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal. Our first year of marriage was wonderful with varied sex every night, but then he talked my dad and his dad into funding a business idea that he had — something to do with computers. For the next 3 months he was working 80-hour weeks and was mostly too tired for sex except on Sundays, I really missed it but I still hung in there, hoping that things would pick up when he had finished developing his project, whatever it was. But no! Once he was happy with what he had developed he started marketing it. That meant many dinners with potential clients talking about his product. He invited me to the first of his sales dinners, but I quickly became bored with all the technical talk and declined further invitations. Still, whenever he made a sale he would come home late and want to celebrate so I was getting some satisfying sex, just not enough. Then he. Well, that's my excuse.I wondered afterwards, if the boys had done it for my benefit. Trying to move me along a bit, helping me forget, encouraging me to start over again. I suppose it was ... I can't find the right word ... thoughtful, kind, understanding, comradely? A bit of each of those things.But you can't paper over the cracks when something like this happens, when your wife vanishes. When you don't have closure. When you just don't know what's happened. It's just like in engineering. If you see cracks in a large concrete casting, you can't just pour more concrete in and expect it to be OK, just like that. Cracks usually mean you have a serious problem. So I can't "just move on", as though Jenny never happened.Anniversaries are the worst and birthdays. If was mine last week. I caught myself wondering what she might buy me, where she might have arranged to take me out. Then I remembered, she is not there anymore. It was hers a month ago. I found myself thinking what we might do.
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