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When I opened the door the old guy was the only one in there. "So you enjoyedyour little prank at my expense". "Sorry about that Granddad" I said. "Don'tworry; you will be." He pointed at me and said something like "Lads nightsout have come to an end, eternal embarrassment you will feel" and left theroom.That guy has really lost the plot I thought and made my way to the urinal. Iput my hand down to pull down my zipper only to find it wasn't there. Whatthe f__k is going on, I must be really pissed.In a panic I patted all around my pants and felt the zipper at the back."Jesus I have put my new pants on back to front" As I fumbled to get thezipper down my hands were pushed back and my pants felt as if they were goingto split. "What's wrong with me tonight that's it, I'm giving up the drink".Just then another man entered. I rushed over to the sink and pretended towash my hands trying to hide the fact that I was wearing my pants backwardsand my butt was all puffed up.As I lathered up the. I had skipped the "girl costume" for Halloween the last threeyears (in 8th 9th and 10th grade) since my fun evening at theyouth hall in 1971 (the year I wore the blue pleated skirt,white blouse, and white patent leather shoes). I had dated lotsof different girls and always ended up paired off with someonewhen I went to birthday parties or dances at the high school. Atthe beginning of 11th grade I started to say things like, "I amabsolutely through with the dressing up", and that would lastfor 4-5 weeks sometimes and then I'd have an incredibleopportunity open up to be home alone for a Friday night and allday Saturday 'til evening.I'd be watching television or listening to music and thensuddenly start thinking how nice it would be to have on a prettydress or skirt and all the accessories. And no matter how muchI tried to pass on the thought, I would find myself downstairsin the basement opening the steamer trunks and looking throughthe garment bags. Ten minutes later I was completely.
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