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It had been several days since our lastcoupling, but we had now done it scores of times since Helmut took myvirginity. I still didn't find it pleasurable but neither did I find itdistasteful any more. As I'd feared it might, it had become somethingthat was simply routine. I matched his passion though mine wasn't real,and I still faked my own moans of pleasure of course, but something elsehas happened between us that I hadn't expected. Helmut loves me - no,Helmut *adores* me. The way he looks at me, his caresses, how consideratea lover he is, the man is totally smitten. Being the object of all that,even if you don't return those feelings, is a heady thing and I can'thelp feeling guilty that this love affair is such a one-sided thing, thatI'm deceiving him. I'm doing so for the best of reasons, in service of mycountry, but knowing that doesn't help. As my guilt grew so I discoveredI could assuage it with sex, that while I got no pleasure from itdirectly it made me happy knowing I was. Really close. I had to focus the keep my load inside. Jerked of slower. She took notice. And ordered me to get faster again. Then, when I couldn’t hold it any long. In the exact moment before I climaxed, she pulled my hand of my dick:”Enough for you sweety. Be a good boy and get me some stuff.”Frustration. That close. It eats up your brain if you have to stop at that moment. All you want is to push you over the edge. Put I managed to keep my hands off. Full filled her task. Brought her the bag she asked for. Put it on the sofa next to you. She ordered me back on my knees. And began to unpack. Only toys for adults. And lube. A big bottle of it. She showed me every single toy. Told me that she was planing to use them. On me mostly, and maybe a little bit on her. It made me rock hard. She noticed, and smiled at me.She began lubing an anal plug. Ordered me to stand up. Bend over. And slid the thing up my ass. Gently, it didn’t hurt, she knew what she was doing. And it wasn’t my first.
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