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"It's a big responsibility. I try not to think about all that could go wrong"Mary and I took the sleigh up and got Spring. The weather broke and the women of the valley went back to their homes. Spring went up after a week. The rest of us waited another week before we went back to the high pasture. Spring had the house cleaned and ready. Becky really appreciated it.The upper pasture was beautiful. It was nice to be with Becky more. Becky picked up on the rift between Judith and I. "I'm glad you didn't ask Janie to come up. I think it will get smooth out. Judith wants a man of her own."The valley women got the winter wheat in from the valley field. We put the straw in a barn that was near the river in the valley. I plowed and planted the big field across from George's in Sherando while the women harvested the wheat. The land was high enough to escape the floods caused by the snow runoff. We got the big field plowed and turn the wheat field under before the spring rains.When the. He shook little Susan awake, and I went back to my cabin.This was so complicated. My life was hard to explain to people. I was sorry for some of the choices I’ve made vis a vis how they hurt people I cared about. But I was not going to issue hollow apologies about how I lived my life.I remembered a night at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco with Rachel. We had just finished a wonderful dinner, a glorious bottle of Chateau Latour. In this fantastic suite, looking out over the city, I held her in my arms, her shuddering as somehow we managed to pleasure each other at almost the same time. Her smile, her lop-sided crooked-toothed Cheshire grin, beaming afterwards.“I figured out what dey mean by paradise, okay, or what? Its yous and me and our adventures togethuh. Yuh know what I’m sayin’?” Then she bent down and kissed me, and I was in heaven. God Rachel, I miss you.If I had stayed with Jenny, that wouldn’t have happened. Rachel and I would never have gone beyond that fun little trip.
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