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"Because you don't know what this means to me." He digests that for a few. "What does it mean to you—me telling you that I've always had feelings for you?" I don't answer. Talking just makes the dizziness worse. My body seems to have a mind of it's own because suddenly my hands are resting on his shoulders and my face is inching closer to his. "Ian," my voice trembles. That's all it takes, me breathing his name, for him to slam his mouth down on mine. Things got heated then: his hands as well as mine explored one anothers body. My fingers trailed along his waistline while his hands were conflicted on whether to go further up my shirt or feel my ass. Then he chose both. Ian's one hand wandered further up my shirt and under my bra to fondle my breast firmly in his hand, while his other hand pulled my body closer to his before resting on my hip. Instinctively my legs wrap around his waist in order to bring him closer. Then, without warning, he grabs my ass in both hands and is lifting. Sincethis is a true story it may not be as adventurous for some as they wouldlike, however, my development began at a slow pace and during theprocess I was full of self-doubt.Since the time of my first experience, I spent a bit of time troubled bywhat happened. On the one hand, it turned me on like I had neverexpected. On the other hand, I was experiencing a lot of conflict withmy sexuality. I will say in those days, that I would have more than abit of anxiety thinking that I was gay. I was more than a bit ignorantof the transgender scene, which was non-existent in my home town as faras I knew, and the internet was not as sophisticated as it is now. Itmay sound odd, or contradictory, but I guess I convinced myself that ifI was a woman, it would not be so wrong, but I was a man. In any event,I was pretty sure that I had taken my walk on the wild side and spentsome time overcompensating for it. A nice fantasy to use, but notsomething I would repeat. I would walk down the.
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