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The girl who had little but gave a lot. The girl with such a gorgeous face with thin, flesh-colored lips that were capable of more than my entire body was. The girl who was everything to me saw me as her world. You solved me. What did you see in me? What sort of fascination could even compare to how I felt about you? Why did you care on a level anywhere near the level of which I did you? I don’t expect an answer to ever be given, but that’s okay. I understand, because I’m the same way- I can only string words together and hope they form some form of structure. I do hope someday, you’ll tell me the answer to my own riddle, or was the answer you all along? I was privileged. You saw inside me better than anyone else could. You said you saw things inside me that you wished you could claim. You saw beauty, charm, brilliance, compassion, loveliness within the twisted sinews and stilted veins that operated by my own erratic heartbeat. I had never seen myself as beautiful, charming,. The next morning I felt different, as doubts started to plague me, while I admit to having enjoyed what had happened to me yet it also scared me. I had butter flies in my stomach as it occupied my mind as I sat there trying to eat some breakfast. Mother told me she had some errands she wanted me to do for her, and in a way I felt relieved. It gave me a chance to get out of the house, as I went about the errands all I could think about was how I felt, alone, scared, and was I a queer? I knew what had happened wasn’t right, wasn’t natural as we were supposed to fall in love with a man. In the last 4 months or so I had left home, lost my virginity, and not only that had sex with my friend. Now I was back home and the one woman who I’d always looked up to wanted me to make love to her. My letters to her had apparently triggered what had happened, she had read between the lines and correctly guess what had happened between Jennifer and I. I had been too stupid and scared to deny it. I.
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