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Jim spoke up, "So Jeannie? Do you find Ted sexually attractive?" She paused for a moment and said, "Well why not? Any woman would like to try Ted out!" Jim smiled and said, "Would you like to try Ted out?" A slight hush passed over the table. Jim looked at Ted, Ted looked at Jeannie, Jeannie looked Jim in the eyes and said, "I already have! And I loved it! He fucked my brains out! Any more questions?" Jim said, "No." Then he got up to pour Jeannie another glass of wine and two more cold beers for him and Ted.When Jim returned to the table, he sat the beers down. Then placed Jeannie's in front of her. He leaned down, kissed her cheek and said, "I'm sorry, I was just play testing you." Jeannie turned to face him and sternly said, "Don't test me!" Jim sat down and the small talk continued, as the sunset crept in. Suddenly they heard the low engine purr of a sports car pulling up. The passenger window lowered and they heard the driver say, "I see the yellow van. Any extra wine and. I tromped into my parents’ room, pulled Dad’s pistol from its case on the top shelf in the closet, and carted it back to my room. I tore a sheet of paper from a notebook and wrote down some undoubtedly pathetic stuff. The only part I remember was the ‘to whoever gives a shit’ salutation, which I’m still rather fond of. I then raised the gun to my head with full intentions of blowing my brains out. I even held a picture of Me and Ashley: Happy Smiling Couple to the other side of my head to catch the lovely splash from the exit wound. When I woke up a few hours later all wet and in the worst of pain, I knew I’d fucked it up somehow. I’m not really sure, but I assume that I sort of chickened out at the instant I pulled the trigger, and must’ve angled the gun up just enough to save my life. At any rate, though, the bullet caught some skin and actually did take out a chunk of the old gray matter. Dear old Dad’s .357 became a home lobotomy kit. Do-it-yourself! Unconsciousness, a head.
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