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But it's often themost interesting part of the story." I should have told you about having a child. It was wrong of me not to." Why?" Because leaving it out makes it look as if it didn't matter to me. As if Ididn't care." Is that the case?" No of course not." Well, I didn't think so. It's often the things that effect us the most thatwe can't talk about." I tried to be a parent to Phoebe. It was the most important thing in mylife. I would never have transitioned if she gave me any indication that sheneeded me to stay around and be a father. But the fact is it came to thepoint where I hardly ever saw her anymore. Maybe we'd get together once ortwice a month. Maybe we'd spend an hour or so together at some restaurant.The other 95% of the time, I was by myself, living a false life, pretendingto be someone I wasn't. For who? It would have been hard enough if I weredoing it for Phoebe's benefit. But was she really getting that much out ofthat ninety minutes a month that it warranted me. The look in those eyesneeded no words. I reached behind me a pulled out a pink netting scarffrom the drawer along side me. Swiftly I positioned the net over Jim'scurlers, front and back, and tied the long ties into a sweet bow at thenape of Jim's neck. The tie ends floated so girlishly down his back. Iheld out my hand and gently allowed Jim to rise out of his styling chairand follow me to the huge stainless steel machine lurking in the farcorner of the room.I turned Jim around and helped him get comfy in the old pink leatherchair. His arms feel naturally onto the arm rests, like he had done thisall his life. His feet found purchase on the raised foot rest and heleaned back in the chair, just like any Shirley would do. He was sooooocute in his curlers and net and robe. My husband.I handed him two relatively new Cosmopolitan magazines."Some reading material for the next hour. Why don't you check out all thelipstick ads and be ready to give me a report on the new fall lip colorswhen I.
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