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I put them on and stood in my garden for a while. I wonder how I managed before, without a garden. In the garden I can calibrate my head, get it used to being outdoors. It was a good night. No wind but cold, a thin drizzle. The streets would be almost empty tonight. It was a joy to run. I wished that my whole life could be like that. Running through the beautiful friendly dark, with the comfortably grey smell of moisture. My body was humming with the night air, a meditative chord with the flavor of owls. There were no owls there in the middle of town, but the feeling of owls was not dependent on that. My heartbeat grew and echoed from the houses I passed. A man walking his dog fit right in, the dog loved everyone and wanted to run with me but no. I smelled a rat under a bush and hummed The White Stripes for a while. Birds sleeping. The oboe sound of smoke. But now there was a disturbance (in the force, ha ha), a smell of something chemical and poisonous, the sound of bright blue. He smiled also but the humor never reached his sad eyes. I think he knew I was going to pitch a fit even before I did. "Part of my promotion is going back to school to learn new stuff so I can do my job better," he explained vaguely, which is how he always talked about his job: vaguely."Does that mean you won't be going away any more?" I asked. Despite the fact that I loved it when my dad went away for his work when mommy was alive, since she died his trips were horrible for me. I was always left with a neighbor and I spent the entire time miserable because my nightmares would come back with a vengeance. Every time daddy came home from one of his TDY assignments I would run up to him, leap into his arms, and strangle him with a big hug while I tried not to cry. Big girls don't cry! Right?"Probably not, pumpkin," he replied with a smile that warmed me to my toes and made be beam back at him. "We are going to go visit your grandparents in New York for Christmas. You are going to stay.
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