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Andalways the double messages that I seemed to be getting from Ilona. Howwas associating with Stephanie and her powers over me helping me? Theyjust seemed to be coaxing me into a deeper and deeper dysfunction with astrong woman. I didn't see any hints or suggestions for relating withstrong women from a position of personal strength. If anything it seemedthat I was reinforcing my own tendencies for weakness at the hands of astrong woman.Then it flashed in my mind that my position relative to Stephanie wouldget stronger the closer I got to the prescription's maximum date. Wasthat a coded message from Ilona? Coded message? Was I nuts? It was avery simple straight forward piece of information that if I had an ounceof intelligence I should understand. It was not rocket surgery or brainscience.See, without penis masturbation to entertain me, this is what I wasreduced to, mental masturbation. Mental masturbation about penismasturbation. And believe you me, I would have been done and over. All I could mutter in response was, "Wow." I still hadn't responded to anything he had laid out to this point.With a small smile Steve said, "Yea, that's a fair response."At this point, I had recovered from the initial shock but the extent of what was put out there had not even begun to settle in. I could sense the huge elephant in the room and I knew there was no way that I was going to film anything that day. "I'm going to need some time to digest all of this. I'm going to go grab some food and head home."Steve was a little bit nervous, "You alright?"Just talking had me settled a bit, so it was not a stretch when I responded, "Yea, I'm good. Just got some thinking to do about this. My mind is reeling so I think filming is out of the question for today," and with an honest chuckle, I flashed him my soft, shrunken package before turning to head for the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."I think the joke put him at ease since he laughed easily too, "Alright, put that away before you go.
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