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I confessed to enjoying the pampering.The mirror shocked me, though. Days passed before I could reconcile myself to my reflection. I’d heard that people who’re born male but want to be female consider themselves women trapped in men’s bodies. I seemed to be the converse - a woman’s body with a man looking out through her eyes. Yet that wasn’t accurate. Less than a year earlier I’d have contemplated sex with some of the FDT women, but now, although I could see they were attractive, they elicited no desire. Of course they didn’t; I’d been castrated; yet I experienced no feeling of loss or deprivation, no resentment. Instead, I began to compare the women’s body shapes, hair styles and choices of clothes and makeup with my own. Closer study of my reflection revealed only faint scarring around nose and jaw and no sign of the throat operation, and the high cheek-bones were gratifying. The plastic surgeon had done a sterling job and the ENT surgeon was a genius. My waist was still too thick. You can cook breakfast for me every day as long as I can sleep later." Rhonda and I broke up."Even Betts dropped her fork."I just want you to know that, in case anyone says something today. You know, at graduation or something. It's okay. She's still my best friend. It's just the boyfriend/girlfriend part that's changed. And I gave her my paper route. I guess I need to find another job." Wow!" Dad said. "Are you all right, Son?" Yeah. I'm all right now. Mostly." I was blindsided. My sister had me wrapped in her arms and she was crying. I patted her on the back. She was so schizoid. She sniffed a little and then went back to her plate and shoveled in more blueberry waffle."Mostly?" Mom said after the interruption."Yeah. I hurt, Mom. I don't mean my heart hurts. It does, but what can you expect? I mean I hurt all over. Look!" I pointed down at my feet. My jeans were two inches above my shoes."Oh my! You're growing! Let's see how tall you are." Officially five feet four-and-a-half.
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