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" There he is," Michelle said and I didn't have to ask her who.I turned my head in the direction she was looking and for some reason Idecided I needed to put my helmet on. I wanted to look as much like theold me as possible in front of Patrick. He was crossing the street andcoming up the concrete steps. He had a big bag over his shoulder andhis skate deck under one arm. We made eye contact and just for a momenthis head kind of jerked. I deliberately made this big show of waving athim and he went narrow eyed and focused himself totally on the vert andall the guys on it."I know you saw me," I said to him as he passed us and started up thesteps. He hesitated and then went on up.Michelle and I could both hear everyone greeting him and all the guystuff. I gestured with my head we should go up but Michelle shook hersno."Why not?" I whispered."Let's just go," she whispered back."What? Why?" I don't want you starting anything with him." I'm not. I want to skate. We came here to. It was then that I realized where I was. It was Thursday and my wife had gone off to yoga class and laid our daughter in our bed with me as she did every week because she didn't like her being alone in her crib."There was something just not right about the relationship between my father and I. At age fifteen I finally ran across his memoirs after two years of sneaking around his office. After dousing my mother with health questions I confirmed her yoga schedule many years ago and came to the realization that I am not now, nor have I ever been, in the need for a psychiatrist to tell me I must take Prozac.To finish silently reading his memoirs would engulf me in the knowledge that there were many places on my infantile body my father would use for his selfish pleasure. My naked bottom, my nubile little pussy, he would even use my tiny feet.Is this why I have such terrible oral fixations now and still dream of my daddy in bed with me? I also never seem to be able to get completely clean.
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