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You have a minute to talk?”“Absolutely. What’s up?”“Well…I have some bad news.”My heart sank. If he was about to say what I think he’s about to say…“What is it…?”“Sorry, babe, but they need me to stay a few more weeks.”“A few more WEEKS?! Are you joking? Why?”“Short version: need to tweak the shooting script. Long version: one of the actresses isn’t cutting it so they may bring on someone else halfway through. I’m against that strategy but I don’t make the calls this go-around.”“Oh my god.”I fell onto the bed. I knew this would happen.“Alex? Can you do a few more weeks?”“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I was so excited to see you tomorrow and now that you aren’t coming, I don’t know.”“I understand. I was excited too.”“Yeah. I should get back to cleaning. Talk later?”“Of course. I love you.”“I love you too.”I hung up the phone and threw it on the ground. Great. Another couple of weeks of being alone. My mind and body can’t take this much longer. I haven’t been feeling well since. I wet myself. I was so ashamed. My room smelled of my piss. I didn’t smell it, but I knew, once someone else opened my door, they would. I hoped nobody would find me. Why wouldn’t this go away?I could feel my stomach eating itself. I was so hungry. My mouth was so dry. What little water I had in my body, my head now laid in. I hate drooling. I began crying. I was so pathetic. I was alone. Hours passed.Hours of thinking, watching my life play out in my head, all my regrets. I didn’t care about sex anymore. Fuck sex! I just wanted Camryn. I wanted her then. I wanted her to hold me. Tell me that everything was ok. Hug me, kiss me. Make my damn pain go away. Fuck my penis, I hated it! It was the one that got me into this mess. If I just let my mind control my body and not my penis, I could be sleeping now. No pain. Wake up in the morning and go over to see her. Watch TV. Talk with her. Laugh with her. Touch her skin; just her hand would be the entire world.
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