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"Me too," Kelly echoed."I don't think so," I said, closing the back end."Mikee can drive," Kelly said. "She's got her permit.Mikee chewed her lip. "I don't think so. Not on the freeway."Tami looked at Darlene. "Looks like it's you or me. Rock, paper, scissors?"Darlene nodded and put her right fist on her left palm. "Loser drives to Tacoma?"Tami nodded."One, two, three, shoot," they said together. Tami had scissors and Darlene paper."Looks like I'm driving," she said, and I tossed her the keys.Darlene climbed in the driver's seat and started adjusting it. Tami got into the passenger seat, while Traci, Kelly, and Mikee took the middle seat, leaving the back for me and Robbie."I didn't know we had more making up to do," she said coyly as we settled in."You were mad for a long time. There may be hidden issues." Do those issues involve removing parts of her clothing?" Traci asked from the seat in front of us."Tami, can we stop at UPS and ship her home? I'll put air holes in the box."Tami. Why don’t they just learn French or Latin? Those are real languages, with real books written in them. Seriously, why don’t they just have a fucking Department of Literature? Nobody wants to major in Grammar and the Song of Roland. Besides, all they talk about is post-post-feminist politics and the Third World anyway. It’s all Social Science for Retards. **** I look at myself in the mirror. Do I like what I see? Oddly, yes. It’s sickening to admit, but sometimes I’m a bit entranced with myself. It’s ridiculous, no one else is. I’m a solipsist, yes. But why not? Is anyone else falling over their heels to love me? I’m a bit of a munchkin. I’m too short, I suppose. But I really do love the face I have. It’s round, pale, innocent. I wear heavy glasses, I have little piggy eyes. It’s a 19th Century face, Victorian, not the perky, fake, plastic face the world wants you to wear today, a face so frozen it’s not even capable of a sneer, let alone a sincere smile. And you think I’m hateful, but.
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