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”I did. I really did but I was afraid to say so. Through all this, I still had to fight off the shame.“Ga- head.” I heard, just like he had whispered when I’d walked in on him earlier. I stared at it, couldn’t move. I tried to pretend that I didn’t understand what he meant, what he actually wanted, trying desperately not to cross that line, but the line was so blurry now. I couldn’t even be sure I’d actually heard him right. I was simply afraid. Afraid my son would know that I wanted to touch him. To…To……. I wasn’t sure that I was ready for my son to know the things I thought about; the dreams, the things I’d considered doing this last year or so. Even thought he lay there now presenting me his oversized boy-hood, I was afraid of what he might think of me if I were to let this go any further. “ Mom.” I heard him say. It sounded like we were in a giant empty can. And the way my legs felt, that can was being tossed around by a rough sea. The sound of his voice echoed in my. Finally we both took a shower together and getting redressed headed off to the mall, I dragged him in every single store there, I loved to go shopping and he didn’t mind watching me try on clothes. I bought my latest purchases some shorts a couple shirts and a new pair of jeans. Than we got in line for the movie, we were going to see a movie I wasn’t to thrilled about seeing but I agreed to see it since it made him happy. I would do anything for him I love him with all my heart. During the movie I kept talking aloud and commenting on how stupid this was and how that was lame, so he bought me some popcorn and nachos to keep me content and quiet. When the movie was finally over, I started saying once again how stupid it was and what a waste of money that was to see. He was very quiet, on the drive home not saying much at all to me, I started talking about work and looked out the window, griping about annoying patients how I always do. He still kept quiet not saying anything.
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