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He said that his soul was worthy of hell, but that God would show mercy upon him because he had come forth with a contrite spirit and acknowledged the wrongfulness of his ways. “Five Our Fathers and ten Hail Marys,” he said in conclusion. How his heart had raced with fear as he knelt there, not yet a man and already branded a sinner. He had been absolved but the message was burned upon his consciousness. He could not remember much else about that day. He did not touch himself again, but the harder he tried not to think about her in that way the more relentlessly the thoughts came to him. He prayed to the rosary every night and focused all his energy upon suppressing the wicked images in his mind. Each time he felt tempted he forced himself to recite the prayers instead. His dreams were plagued by thoughts of her over the next year and a half. Eighteen months whose nights were long, joyless eternities for a hormonally driven adolescent. Finally one night the urge was too strong and. Nothing sexual, was to her all medial. I ask her to suck it for me, she told me she would tell my mom if i ask for that again. But if my nuts were hurting to let her know, and she would take care of it. Now every morning before my in bed sponge bath she would jerk me off and i would play with her breast. I got one out and ask he to let me suck it, she told me NO. play with it is ok, that is all I get. It started talking longer for me to finish, and she ask why? I said that I did not know, i did not have the feeling that i had. She said the Dr worried about that and i may have some cord compression. He ordered some exercises for me to do, but to keep me stimulated and as active as possible. I used that excuse to get my hands up Lotties dress, to finger her. She found that if she had an orgasm it helped me have one, the more exciting for me the more i came. Now I would get her topless and play with them, and run my hand up her dress and play with that. meanwhile she is jerking me off.
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