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In the final days of autumn I bring in the last crops of the year, working most days well past dusk, racing against bad weather. I have to be done not later than the Harvest Moon. Not just for the sake of a good crop, but each year since late puberty the Harvest Moon triggers what I call my inheritance. And then all hell breaks loose. I’m not exactly sure why, but my wife and I have never spoken about the inheritance. For myself, I don’t have real clear memories of what happens, although for weeks afterwards I will have some pretty vivid dreams. The dreams are always about drinking wine and having wild sex with screaming women. I catch my wife checking the Farmer’s Almanac as September advances, but I pretend not to notice. We both know what’s coming. Just prior to the full moon illuminating the chill dusk of October, my wife feeds me a very large porterhouse steak, cooked very rare and dripping red with blood, and pours me a large glass of red wine on the pretense of celebrating the. . Terrence, this isn't like returning a toaster. Iexplained to you clearly what this would involve. You said it was whatyou wanted." "I know," replied Tiffany. "At the start it WAS what I wanted. It waswonderful to finally be a woman, to be so feminine and sexy. But then,I had to deal with all the day-to-day stuff, like my nails." "What's wrong with them? They stay long and red, like you wanted. Younever have to polish them. They can't break, either." "That's just it," said Tiffany. "They're too strong to cut or to file.I can't shorten them. They look great, but it's so hard doing thingswith long fingernails. It takes forever to put on pantyhose. One slipand I've got a run from my hip to my ankle. And my breasts are toolarge." "You wanted them that size," the clerk reminded Tiffany. "I know, I know. But they are so heavy and they are always in the way. There are so many things about being a female that I didn't plan on. I hatehaving a period. That time of the month can be.
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